im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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