and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
