I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
