I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
