suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
