She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
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I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
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I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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