Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
