im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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