Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
