"it" just moved
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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