Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
