Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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