Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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