update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize
