i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
