And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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