I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
