On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
