I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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