I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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