just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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