CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
