i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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