if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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