After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
