I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
