one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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