Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
