you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
