First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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