I bet he comes in French.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
