i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
