I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
