Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
