Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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