two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
