Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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