"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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