At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
