It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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