Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
