So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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