all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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