My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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