I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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