I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You may now shotgun with the bride
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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