from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
