i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
