How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
