you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
