I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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