you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
