i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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