The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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