Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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