So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize