The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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