Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
