is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
