final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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