You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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