Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
