You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
