I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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