meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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