she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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