fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
