i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
