Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
