I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
